Let Me Crazy
by VisualZero
Summary: In which Bladers everywhere learn that letting Tsubasa and Kyoya hang out with each other is a very bad idea, as they will spend all of their time plotting insane ways to irritate them as much as humanely possible. WARNING: Swearing, blatent OOC. Not Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

'I SWEAR I DIDN'T TAKE IT!'

'WELL YOU MUST HAVE OR OTHERWISE IT WOULDN'T BE MISSING NOW WOULD IT?'

'IT WASN'T ME WHO STOLE YOUR STUPID BLADE DA XIANG!'

'THEN WHY MASAMUNE DID KYOYA AND TSUBASA TELL ME THEY'D SEEN YOU USING IT TO PLEASURE YOURSELF?'

'THEY SAID **WHAT**?'

In the next room, Kyoya and Tsubasa were admiring Rock Zurafa.

'God, what a pussy. It's only a fucking Blade.' Kyoya said, examining it.

'I know right? He's acting like someone stole a fucking internal organ.'

**'KYOYA! TSUBASA**!'

'Shit, I think he discovered it was us.'

Da Xiang, eyes burning, stormed into the room.

'GIVE ME BACK MY BEY!'

Kyoya thought for a minute.

'...No.'

'THAT WASN'T A CHOICE! GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT NOW!'

'I'll give it to you if you say the magic words.' Tusbasa promised.

'FU-FINE. CANIHAVEMYBEYBACKPLEASE.'

'Wrong! The magic words are 'Tsubasa, I am your bitch and you are the greatest and most attractive Blader ever and Japan is so much better than China.'

Silence.

Then Da Xiang lunged at Kyoya, who was holding Rock Zurafa.

'Get off me you crazy communist!' Kyoya began to laugh, batting the enraged Da Xiang away.

'FEEL MY 4000 YEAR OLD WRATH!'

Tsubasa watched as the two fought, using a variety of punching, scratching, kicking and, in Kyoya's case, biting.

'WHAT THE - YOU JUST BIT ME! WHAT ARE YOU, AN ANIMAL? FUCK, YOUR TEETH ARE SHARP!'

'You just jumped me, asshole! Tsubasa, you saw that right? He's that fucking desperate that he just went for it.'

'He's hard for you, Kyoya. Look, he's making his orgasm face and everything!'

Da Xiang snarled at leaped at Tsubasa, who jumped out of the way.

'WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOU'RE DOING?' Madoka stormed into the room, followed by the rest of Team Gan Gan Galaxy and Wang Hu Zhong.

'Well Da Xiang thinks that it's perfectly acceptable to jump on someone and start humping them for all its worth.'

'BECAUSE YOU STOKE HIS FUCKING BEYBLADE? WHY? WHY DID YOU STEAL IT?'

'No real reason.' Tsubasa shrugged. 'Maybe I just have kleptomaniacal tendencies?'

Madoka slapped her forehead. 'God, you guys have turned into such retards.'

'I resent that!' Tsubasa frowned. 'Retard implies stupidity and we were intelligent enough to distract Da Xiang long enough to steal his Bey and even convince him it was Masamune who stole it for sexual purposes.'

'How could you be fucking stupid enough to believe that? How do you use a Bey to pleasure yourself?' Mei Mei asked Da Xiang, who was still wrestling with Kyoya.

'I know it sounds strange, but it is possible.' Zhou Xin said, causing everyone to back away from him.

'GIVE IT TO ME!' Da Xiang yelled.

'That's what she said!' Kyoya laughed, slapping Tsubasa a high five.

'Oh, for goodness sake, just give him back his freaking Bey!' Madoka barked.

'Or you'll what? Bitch about what fucking retards we are?' Kyoya asked.

'No shit, she's gonna do that anyway, like she always does.'

'Fuck you, Tsubasa!' Madoka managed to grab the Bey from Kyoya and thrust it towards Da Xiang. 'I don't want to hear a thing from you guys for the rest of the day! Do you understand?'

**LATER**

Hyoma and Hikaru were chatting about something, without realizing Kyoya and Tsubasa were sneaking up on them.

'Get the fuck away from her you creep!' Kyoya yelled, shoving Hyoma to the ground and beginning to punch him.

'What – ow – the – ow – FUCK-'

'Now's your chance to escape, Hikaru! Run for your life!' Tsubasa.

'What the fuck do you creeps think you're doing! Get off him!' Hikaru tried to push Kyoya off Hyoma, but Tsubasa grabbed her hand.

'It's okay! Sexual harassment is a problem that will not be tolerated!'

'What are you talking about?' Hyoma growled. 'We were in the middle of a perfectly normal conversation!'

'Oh sure, you say that now! We saw the way you were eyeing her up! Look at her; she's shaking 'cause she's so scared-'

'I'M SHAKING BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE SUCH FUCKING MORONS!' Hikaru slapped Tsubasa away and went to help Hyoma up.

'Callous bitch. We saved her life and that's the thanks we get?' Kyoya growled as Hyoma and Hikaru walked away.

'Bitch probably wants to get raped. Just look at the length of that skirt. She's fucking asking for it.' Tsubasa said.

'Fine! Next time we won't bother to be such good Samaritans!' Kyoya yelled after her.

* * *

'What the fuck is that on your arm?' Tsubasa asked Kyoya as they were walking along the hallway.

'Fuck off.'

'It looks like a dried up worm.'

'Shut up! It's a fucking friendship bracelet, okay? Benkei promised if I wore it he'd stop trying to hump me every five seconds.'

'That's fucking adorable, that is.'

'I thought I told you to can it!'

'Won't Nile get jealous?'

'The fuck if I care.'

The two stopped when they saw Aleksi and Madoka in front of them.

'What do you know, even nerds can find love.' Tsubasa smiled.

'Those two will have some fucking ugly children.' Kyoya scoffed.

'I have an idea.' Tsubasa said, and a few minutes later he ran towards the two, eyes welling up with tears.

'Madoka! I will fucking kill you! I just got a call from my Doctor and I have herpes!'

Aleksi's eyes bulged, as Madoka glared furiously at Tsubasa.

'Umm, why should I fucking care and eww?'

'Because, Madoka! I was completely fine until that night with you! You gave this to me, you slut!' He turned to Aleksi. 'I know she's as flat as a fucking ironing board, but I'm telling you this one's got around with just about everyone! Do not get involved!'

'TSUBASA, I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU! ALEKSI! Aleksi, I never – I've never even had-'

'BLATENT LIES! I BET IF I ASKED A RANDOM BYSTANDER YOU'D HAVE HAD THEM TOO! YOU SIR!' Tsubasa cried, pointing to Kyoya who was (not so cleverly) disguised wearing a false mustache. 'HAVE YOU OR HAVE YOU NOT HAD SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH THIS WOMAN?'

'TEN TIMES. ON TEN SEPARATE OCCASIONS. MRRRROOOWW~' Kyoya purred.

'YOU GUYS ARE SUCH FUCKING DUMBASSES! ALEKSI! WAIT! WAIT, ALEKSI, PLEASE – THEY'RE BOTH IDIOTS-' As Aleksi made some mumbled excuse to leave and began to hurry away, Madoka turned to Tsubasa and Kyoya who were in for some serious shit.

'WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING – YOU COMPLETELY BLEW MY CHANCES WITH HIM! AARRRRGGGHHHH! YOU GUYS NEED TO DROP DEAD!' She panted, running out of breath.

'You have three seconds to run…' She hissed, but both of them were laughing to hard to care.

**Shit ending.**

**Too far?**

**Both T and K are completely OOC in this, as is everyone else.**

**Think I should continue? It's kind of amusing to write…**


	2. Chapter 2

'HEY! YOU!'

Zeo Abyss stared in the direction the voice he just heard came from and faced a very angry looking Kyoya.

'I'm on to you, man! I saw you makin' eyes at my Doritos!' Kyoya shouted, marching up to Zeo and punching him in the face.

'What the hell? What is wrong with you?' Zeo growled rubbing his cheek as Kyoya slunk away hissing 'this isn't overrr...'

**LATER**

'WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL MY CLOTHES?!'

Toby came into Zeo's room and found him tearing through empty drawers while cursing to himself.

'Zeo? What happened?'

'SOMEONE STOLE ALL MY FUCKING CLOTHES!'

'What? Who would do that?'

'SOME MAD BASTARD, THAT'S WHO! SOMEONE'S ASS IS IN FOR IT!' Zeo growled, heading for the door.

**MEANWHILE**

'You are fucking messed up.' Tsubasa stared at Kyoya who was lying in a pile of Zeo's clothes. He had ripped holes in some of them. 'Seriously, you must have been dropped on the head as a child. Why would you touch his clothes? That's sick man, they're probably not all even clean.'

'So? My clothes are never clean.' Kyoya said, making a huge rip in another shirt.

'Yeah but like some of those stains could be jizz. You know he gets hard everytime he even just thinks about Toby.' Tsubasa said.

'Fuck, you're right,' Kyoya stood up looking disgusted. 'Eww, Zeo jizz.'

'KYOYA TATEGAMI! MADOKA SAID SHE SAW YOU GO IN HERE WITH A BUNDLE OF MY CLOTHES!' Zeo ran into the room,followed by Toby.

'She did? She must be stalking me then because I haven't seen that bitch all day.' Kyoya said.

'What the actual FUCK?!' Ze yelled when he saw what Kyoya had done to his clothes.

'WHAT DID YOU - HOW - WHY-'

'Seriously, Kyoya, what is wrong with you?' Toby shook his head.

'Hey! I'm the only one who should be pissed here - you let me touch your clothes when they're all covered in your jizz! That's disgusting man!' Kyoya shouted back as Zeo stared at him in utter disbelief.

'WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU I DON'T EVEN-'

'Why did you even do this anyway?' Toby asked,as Zeo held his head in his hands and groaned.

'Because fatass over there was lookin' at my Doritos all hungrily and a few minutes later they were all gone!' Kyoya explained.

'That's probably cause you ate them dipshit.' Tsubasa said.

'That's ONE explaination. But it could have been him either!'

'I didn't touch your doritos you crazy FREAK!' Zeo yelled.

'The size of your ass suggests otherwise. Anyway, I need to go disinfect myself to get rid of all your germs.' Kyoya said, making his way toward the door.

'Does this mean it's time for your annual bath?' Tsubasa asked. 'I thought I'd never witness such a rare event.'

'Fuck off!'

'KYOYA GET THE FUCK BACK HERE YOU OWE ME CLOTHES!' Zeo yelled running after him.

Tsubasa looked at Toby.

'He may be about as intelligent as your average brick but you have to admit that's pretty funny.' Tsubasa said.

* * *

'...Why is there a dead rat on my bed?' Nile asked Kyoya.

'That's for bitching about the fact I never cook. You can't say that anymore now.'

'...Get it off.'

'There's just no satisfying you, is there?'

'Kyoya I really didn't think I'd have to specify this but at no point will I ever desire a decapitated rodent left to rot on my pillow.'

'Well thats the last present I'm ever getting you!' Kyoya was 'offended' and walked away.

* * *

'Tsubaassaaaa! Nile told me to piss off and go play with you instead...'

'Are you having a lover's spat?' Tsubasa asked.

'Piss off!'

'Admit it, you'd fuck him.'

'I'd fuck your Mom!'

'My Mom's dead.'

'...'

'...You're an insensitive bastard. And you are so very, very gay for Nile.' Tsubasa grinned.

'Don't screw with me like that. Is she really dead?' Kyoya asked as they began to walk together.

'Yeah, why?'

'I just thought gargoyles were immortal, that's all.'

'Fuck you,' Tsubasa stood still. 'Check out our communist friend over there.' He nodded to DaXiang, who was talking to Gingka and Madoka.

'Let's throw something at them.'

'Like what?' Kyoya asked.

'I dunno. Rocks or something.'

'Or a fridge!' Tsubasa stared at Kyoya.

'You're dumb as fuck, you know that?'

On their way to look for rocks they ran into a baby-faced blonde, whose curls cascaded down his back in ringlets.

'She's hot.' Kyoya purred.

'It's a he.' Tsubasa pointed out.

'No fucking way! He's hotter than Sophie!' He paused. 'And your Mom. Not that that's hard.'

Tsubasa punched Kyoya.

'Look at the little faggot- Oh, hi, Teru!' Tsuabsa smiled fakely.

'Hi Tsubasa. I was looking for Gingka. Have you seen him?' Teru asked.

'Yeah, he's inside.' Tsubasa pointed in his direction and Teru thanked him and went to look.

'He's a virgo blader y'know.'

'So?' Kyoya asked.

'He's probably a virgin too The poor boy, torn between retaining his innocent image and his lust for another man's body being pressed against him.' Tsubasa said.

'And you say I'M fucked up?' Kyoya laughed.

'What do you say we make that little fruit's dream come true?'

Kyoya stared at Tsubasa.

Before Teru had time to even greet Gingka he found himself tackled to the floor by both Kyoya and Tsubasa.

'Feels good doesn't it you little bitch?' Kyoya purred.

'W-what are you guys doing? G-get off me!'

DaXiang, Gingka an Madoka stared at them as they rolled around on the floor.

'What the hell do you guys think your doing?' Madoka yelled.

'What do you think? We're cuddling!' Tsubasa explained, as Teru squealed for them to get off. DaXiang and Gingka tried to pull them off but Kyoya pulled them down to so poor Teru was thoroughly squashed.

'Oh, you are loving this, aren't you?' Kyoya asked Teru, whose eyes were brimming with tears.

'He's totally hard. I can feel it.' Tsubasa said.

'How? You're lying on top of me!'

'Oh sick - it must be DaXiang then!'

'Fuck off! Both of you let us all up immediatly!' DaXiang snarled.

All five boys continued to struggle as Madoka simply walked away in the hopes of finding someone sane to help her out...


End file.
